For parents

When your son is in distress, it can be hard to know where to turn.

You may be frightened. You may feel blamed, or shut out, or torn between people who all seem very sure of themselves. You may have already spent months reading, arguing, and lying awake. I consult with parents of trans-identified teens and young adults — parents in exactly that place.

A steady conversation

I offer consultation for mothers and fathers of trans-identified teenage and young adult sons. Sometimes that is the heart of the work: helping you recover your footing, think more clearly, and remain a loving, durable presence in your son’s life. Sometimes it leads to therapy for your son as well.

I should say, simply and kindly, that my practice is for males. I do not work with girls or women. I will not promise you a particular outcome. I will listen carefully, take your concern seriously, and help you think about what your son may be struggling with — and about what he needs from you now.

What I believe helps

A teenage or young adult son in the grip of gender distress is often also in the grip of fear, shame, isolation, or a wish to start over. Debates about studies and headlines rarely reach a young man who feels unseen. What often helps more is a calmer relationship at home, and a therapeutic relationship in which he does not have to defend a position.

If I am also working with your son, my role is neither to affirm an identity nor to talk him out of it. It is to help him understand himself as fully as possible, so that when he is old enough to make lasting decisions, he can make them with his eyes open. That work is slow, and it is ordinary psychotherapy: curiosity, patience, and honest attention to pain.

Practical matters

All sessions take place on Zoom. My fee is $150 per session. If you write to me, it helps to say a little about your family, your son’s age, and what you are hoping for — a consultation for yourselves, therapy for your son, or simply a first conversation to see whether I am the right person to help.